I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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