question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
