explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
