apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
