fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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