I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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