She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She needs sedatives and a leash
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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