Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
