There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
