I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
