I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
