never play flip cup with pint glasses
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
