hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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