I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
