Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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