I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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