So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
