I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
