I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize