What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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