Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
