we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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