I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
