apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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