My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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