Whod you bang
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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