apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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