There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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