it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
