Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
