If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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