tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
