haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Church boner. Awkwardddd
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
