I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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