I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
