Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
