no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
