At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
