remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
