I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
