I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
