yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
