i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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