You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
