She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
