He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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