is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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