I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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