I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
