Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
