I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
