One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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