Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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