oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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