It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
